Aliens……Ahoy…..!! (Humor)

This morning, my 9 year old son woke me up to tell me that some aliens had landed in Australia. Then my attention was drawn to the newsreader on TV who was announcing that the State Government had announced an enquiry into the violent riots that some political party had started in Mumbai. Such matters of national interest cause me great concern. Naturally, I was alarmed.

I had to know if these aliens were good at playing cricket. It’s bad enough that the aussies are excellent with their bat and ball. And to top that, if they started assimilating into their team, aliens with great cricketing skills, that would be the end of the competition; they might as well permanently install the World Cup in the Sydney Opera House or whatever they call it.
On second thoughts, it might actually act for the wellness of the sport. Cricket teams all over the world would be relieved of the stress of winning the Cup and get down to enjoy the true spirit of cricket.
Like abusing each other on the cricket field.

Incidentally, the ruckus in Mumbai seems to have occurred because of something on the same lines. No, Not cricket. But due to the fact that some enterprising gentlemen got their geography a little mixed up. It was their understanding that Indians who came from the states of UP and Bihar were ALIENS! These enlightened souls had deduced that the ‘U’ in UP stood for Uranus and the ‘B’ in Bihar stood for Pluto. They concluded that these monsters had descended from thier planets in their hordes with the intention of grabbing their jobs! Emboldened by this new-found knowledge, these brave warriors set about trying to send these ‘aliens’ back to their planets by attacking them. And the Keepers of the Law sat back and watched the mayhem until it was brought to their notice that these names (Uttar Pradesh and Bihar) did occur on some of that correspondence from the Central Government. So it was possible that these were names of states in INDIA and these people could possibly be INDIANS! The Keepers of the Law then clapped their hands to their foreheads, (coz’ the Central Government must have clapped their shoes to their a**ses!) Anyway, Law was restored and the State has now begun its usual protocol of acting shocked and forming committees to investigate the matter etc…

Until a few days ago, the word ‘Alien’ to me meant a 10-legged or 5-headed creature who used foul language and had bad body odour. Then I learnt that even two legged creatures are called by that name in the USA. Even if they smell nice and don’t use foul language. The use of this term in official US Government vocabulary stems from the US Presidents’ preoccupation with Hollywood films like ‘Independence Day’ where they imagine every foreigner to step out of his spacecraft.. sorry…aircraft and try to take over the country. I think the term ‘Alien’ for foreigners is downright derogatory and demeaning. I have half a mind to write to the US President and ask him to change it to something more respectful.
Like ‘Extra-terrestrial!’